We are no longer feeling overwhelmed by the amount of work ahead of us, but inspired with what changes we can make with what we have at our disposal. We’ve managed to raise a great amount of money over the last few days after the blog from day 4 and hope to put that to great use over the coming week or so. With the weekend getting in the way, progress was slowed somewhat, but we have still managed to set quite a few wheels in motion.
We returned to Jaros Jiri at the end of last week and met up with a pair of plumbers. We made a full list of every single item that needed fixing, every pipe that needed replacing and every leak that needed stopping. It was actually a lot more than we initially thought. There were entire sections of plumbing that had been removed and never replaced. No wonder the toilets didn’t work! We found even more leaks than we thought there were before and when the water was finally switched on so that we could test it, we found that the first shower in the boys bathroom would come on, but then never be able to be switched off… Hence, no water at all for the entire bathroom. It really is a shame to see and it never had to get to this point. Just some simple ongoing maintenance would have had these bathrooms in full serviceable order today, and forever. I suppose its easy to point this out, but if you barely have enough money to feed the children, then corners will be cut wherever and whenever they crop up. Its a shame all the same.
Upon further inspection of the broken roof at Jaros Jiri, we have established that it is in fact an asbestos roof. Yes, you heard correct; Asbestos. Thats the stuff you have probably heard about on the TV every now and again with some builder, or contractor or roofer suing their former employer for damages as they have fatal health problems directly related to working with asbestos. So replacement has to be the ultimate goal, but a quote of $20,000 for the entire job is entirely impossible at this stage… So unless anyone knows a millionaire who would like to put their hands in their pockets for this, I can only see that patching up the holes as the option we have to go for. We have a few numbers to call about getting a quote on fixing the roof and this we’ll actively try to make happen this week. Its summer here at the moment, so no rain, but its best to not hope on permanent good weather and get this fixed while we can. So watch this space.
We also mentioned fixing up the kitchen so that cooking could finally be done indoors. We are pleased to announce that today we won a bidding war on a local auction website to buy a large industrial sized gas hob set. JK, our host for this month and the reason we found out about the school in the first place, has also been raising money for Jaros Jiri and waiting for us to join forces to really get the school back on its feet. Its via JK that the gas cooker was found, bid on and purchased. It will be winging its way to the school by the end of the week. We’ve also procured a large industrial gas bottle that we’ll fill up and they will be cooking inside for the first time in years in no time. Along with the sinks all being fixed, and water being on, this will be an amazing change for the school kitchen staff and they will surely think that their christmases have all come at once!
So, tomorrow, Tuesday, we start in earnest. We will be collecting a batch of steel rods to go along with the cutting disc and welding rods that we already have from today and heading to Rimuka, the township next to Kadoma, to pick up 2 welders to come with us to Jaros Jiri. We’ve sorted and counted out 56 broken bed frames and we will get to work on them all day long until, hopefully, they are all done.
Tomorrow will also be the day that we’ll get our final price for the 150 mattresses that we need to buy. We are also buying an extra triple bunk bed for the orphanage so will factor these in when negotiating a total price. Fingers crossed we’ll be able to afford it all. With your help, hopefully we can. These children need them! Donate here if you’d like to help.
Finally for today, we visited the orphanage for an activities day. We were able to bring some donated colouring books and crayons. They went down a treat! We were also able to chat with Shelly and Wendy. They have been helping out at Tariro on, at the very least, a weekly basis since its inception. Wendy brings toys and games to help them have a little fun in their life, and Shelly is more hands on when it comes to their facilities. It was during a conversation with Shelly that we came to the conclusion that to get the education that the children deserve, we could potentially look at a full-time tutor. With wages being what they are, it is supposed that for a mere $200 a month, we could find a fully qualified, but currently unemployed, teacher who could take the youngest children in the morning and help the older children in the afternoons. Helping with homework, giving them much needed 1 on 1 tuition and, perhaps most importantly, teaching all the children English too. Can you help the children get an education so that despite being orphans, they could get the best start in life possible? If you think that you can help, please donate here.
All in all, its been a pretty hectic few days setting up everything for this week… Hopefully we can do you all proud, and by the end of the week we’ll have some amazing pics to show for it too. Until then, thank you for reading, thank you for continuing to donate and keep coming back to check in on us.
If you would like to donate, its never too late to get involved, so do it here.
Before I get to what we got up to on day 3, I’d like to address the response we had to yesterday’s blog.
I would really like to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart and Nicole would too. Since this time yesterday we’ve managed to receive over €800 (around $900) in donations and the promise of more to come. If you are one of the many waiting to donate, thank you for contacting us to say that you are going to and we look forward to using it when it arrives! We also received an amazing offer from a couple of awesome jewellers (one of which I went to school with many many moons ago!) in Scotland who are going to hold a sale on our behalf with all proceeds going to the Jaros Jiri School for the Blind.
So, if you would like to donate funds (and we need all the help we can get) this is the link to do that: Donate.
But if you’d like to help up in another way, you can follow the links below to buy an item of jewellery knowing that the money will be going to the same place. Once they sell out (and their stuff is amazing, so I know it will) please don’t be too disappointed and decide not to donate at all, but until then, this is a great way to buy a gift for someone, or even for yourself, but be donating to charity at the same time!
Please check out their pages, like them and show them some support too. They haven’t asked me to say this and are not doing it for promo at all, so all the more reason why they deserve to be acknowledged for donating their time, expertise and beautiful handmade jewellery for a good cause.
So, once again, thank you from the bottom of our hearts and we hope to do you proud with what we are able to achieve with your donations.
I’ll touch on what we have been able to achieve today (day 5) on the next blog, but until then I have to keep you up to date with what we got up to on day 3, before we’d even set foot in Jaros Jiri.
Last year we spent a lot of time with “Miss O” and her nursery school. For those that didn’t read last years blog, she is a local legend having taught just about everyone we had met on our first visit, over a period of many decades. Recent times had not been easy on her or her school and we were happy to help them both back on track and provide the care and education her children craved.
It was there that your donations were able to fit running water to her house and school. We were also able to build a new classroom in our last days and hoped to return to see it in full action. Unfortunately the class room hadn’t been built to the standards we’d been promised, nor had the wood been treated in the way that it should have been and it had begin to twist, break and holes were clearly evident on all 3 of the walls that we’d paid to construct. It was a bit disheartening to say the least.
A cursory look around, however, made it clear that although the problem was a noticeable one, it was one that could be fixed relatively easy. I’m gonna have to get out my hammer and nails, and use some of the left over wood from last time to personally fix what had been done badly when it was made. Then after that we’ll get our famous blue overalls on again to undercoat, paint and varnish the wood so that it is protected and can be used as a classroom for many years to come.
We were also able to return to the orphanage to meet once again with Mrs. Magama and, of course, play with the children. We also took the opportunity to decorate the bedrooms with some Barcelona FC posters for the boys, and luminous nighttime stars for the girls. Something simple to change their surroundings as this was now to be their forever home. A couple of skipping ropes also went down a treat with the girls.
Meeting with Mrs. Magama (the saint who is responsible for these children even being here in the first place and not on the street) was amazing. Her smile lights a room and her kind heart is obvious to everyone from the moment you meet her. In the months since we last met, she has had the personal tragedy of losing someone very close to her, but she is still here working and doing what she can for others and for that we applaud her.
Speaking with her, we were finally able to confirm that we’ll start getting bids for a hot water geyser so that the children can have hot showers for the first time ever. We also decided to add something else on to our list of things we’ll be doing at the orphanage in the form of another triple bunk bed like the ones we made last time. There have been a few further additions to the roster of children and now they number 18 and need the extra space. We’ve already been to the same steel worker that we used last time, using local skilled labour, with locally sourced materials too. We feel its important to support the local community with all our endeavours, and this is vital to support the local economy and is another way that your charity money will go further and support the families of the workers making the bunks.
The new skipping rope gets a run out.
Thomas and Ngoni doing their best to show us where the kitchen sink should be.
We also picked up the kitchen sink so that we could take it and have a stand custom fitted so that it can be installed as soon as we get a chance… Final thing we managed to put in place, was a plan to get the electric connected on Monday. The local electric company received over $3500 as a connection fee back in September, and promised to connect within 1 month. That never happened and the house is currently without power. We are now promised that Monday it will finally happen. Watch this space!
Until then, we have Jaros Jiri and its 150 blind children in our minds and I’ll bring you all up to speed on what we’ve managed to put in the pipeline so that we can hit the ground running on Monday. We are happy that we’ve been able to make a start already and we WILL do all of our donors proud. Watch this space and its been a truly amazing 24hours with all the responses to yesterdays blog page. Thank you.
Sorry that we were not able to get a message out yesterday but by the time we’d finished for the day it was so late, and this blog takes so long to put together each day, that I decided to put days 3 and 4 together, but day 3 and what happened will have to wait until tomorrow because what happened today needs to be told, and it needs to be heard.
Now, we are not new to this game. We’ve seen more than our share of inhabitable spaces here in Zimbabwe, and we’ve not been shy of showing them to you either. Many of you reading this will have been following our story since last year and many of you will have been generous enough to donate have whatever you could to help towards what it is that we are doing here too. We have been proud to have raised many 1000’s of dollars and done more than we ever could have hoped to have done with that money. But today (day 4) I felt utterly desperate for the first time.
When we first entered into Tariro Orphanage this time last year we were shocked and we knew that we had to act. We wrote the linked blog piece and it went viral online. First amongst our immediate friends, and then to their friends and then beyond. What resulted was an outpouring of help, donations and love. Every time we were able to get internet access, the amounts donated went up and up and up. We were amazed and we were shocked that our simple blog had had that effect.
I’m not so presumptuous to assume that today’s blog will have anything like the same impact, although I really hope that it does, but honestly I don’t see how we can ever begin to help the children of Jaros Jiri School for Blind Children without your help.
What we have seen today has hit me, and hit me hard. When we walked into the orphanage last year it was a massive shock, but it was small (only 16 children) and it was all confined to a single house. It was doable, it was achievable, there was light at the end of a very dark tunnel. Walking into Jaros Jiri we were just overwhelmed by the sheer scale of what was in front of us and what was needed. Degradation everywhere we looked. Building after building after building and every one of them in a state of disrepair. Not even one single toilet worked in a school where 150 children board every night. Every shower is rendered completely useless owing to broken taps, no shower head and most importantly… no water pressure because of leaks everywhere you turn. Children washing themselves is basically a ritual of pouring cold water from a bucket over their own head as they stand in a shower cubicle akin to one in a derelict house. This place was once a beacon of care in the community and a top of the line, government paid, boarding school for those born without sight. Now its like an abandoned house where children are kept in appalling conditions.
We were shown around the entire school, starting with the bathrooms. It was the first place we came to and looking around this one single bathroom alone, I could already see that it almost made no sense to even start trying to do something here, it was that bad. Looking around I saw so many things that needed to be fixed, replaced or removed entirely. Looking around, my heart literally sank and I suddenly felt incredibly depressed. Selfishly I felt depressed for myself as I was subconsciously hoping to be like a saviour riding in on a white horse to rescue them from their poverty with a few simple fixes here and there. Instead I was just hit by the feeling of helplessness of it all and for that I was instantly ashamed; this shouldn’t have been about me at all. We are here to help and we MUST do whatever it is that we can to help. I tried to forget these thoughts as we carried on our tour, tried to be more positive, tried to think of the things that we could do rather than the many that we simply can’t.
Next up was the boarding rooms. Up to 20 children in each room. Every bed worse than the next. I had seen photos from a previous post on facebook regarding what was needed at Jaros Jiri, but I imagined that the photos were taken for effect and that there is no possible way that every dorm room could be as bad as I’d been led to believe. I was was right. They were not as bad as the photos had shown me. They were much worse.
Every single mattress on every single bed needed throwing away. The cheap foam that had been used too many years ago to count was so thin now that they felt as though they were sleeping directly on the broken frames below. The previously waterproof mattresses were all cracked, torn and useless. No level of hygiene could be achieved with these mattresses, let alone comfort. What on earth were we going to be able to do with this place?
It was at this point I looked up to see various holes in the ceiling. I walked over to them and looked inside… Yep, there it was. Exactly what I didn’t want to see.
Don’t get me wrong, I love the sunshine. We live in Ibiza for most of the year and we have to love it! But I don’t want to look up into the ceiling and see the sun shining through the holes in the roof. Of all the times you want to see the sun shine, this is not it. Nearly 40 years after it was opened, the roof had never been replaced or even properly maintained. In the wet season, the rain would clearly pour into this entire building, onto the beds and soaking the children. The same feeling that hit me for six in the bathroom, hit me again… 150 children, 150 beds, 150 mattresses, broken leaking roof, not enough money. My previous attempts to brush away the dark thoughts were thwarted yet again and I stood there speechless.
Next up, we were shown to the kitchen. The facilities showed their age… ancient and never been renovated or maintained. The cold storage facility looked like it hadn’t been used in decades and when we opened the door to look inside the vilest of stenches fell out like a thick fog. The electric cooking pots that would take hours to heat up and use more electric in a day than a family home would in a week, had been abandoned in place of an extra large iron cauldron outside. This is where they would prepare every meal. Another look around at the many sinks in the canteen kitchen again showed how old everything was. Not even one of the taps worked with many not even there anymore. So there was no running water to top off that there was no usable cooking equipment and no fridges… This kitchen had become just a room where the food from outside was plated up for the children. The sheer scale of what was needed to help fix this situation was again evermore apparent. What on earth could we do??
Eventually I was able to say to Nicole: “It’d be like putting a bandaid on a broken arm. We’d be crazy to even attempt such a huge undertaking, right?”
It was of course a rhetorical question. We will attempt. We cannot ignore. We will do our best. But at that very moment I didn’t even know where to start…
Imagine, just for a moment, that you are blind. I know that if you are reading this the conventional way, this concept will be alien to you, but once you have finished this paragraph just close your eyes for a moment and let your imagination run with you. You are blind, you have never known anything other than darkness and your family cannot take care of you. The care you desperately need is more than they could ever provide. You know it, they know it. You are sent away from all that you know, to board with 149 other blind children. Your bed is so broken that you sleep on the floor. You cannot use the toilets as they do not work. You cannot have a shower and have to pour a bucket of cold water over yourself instead. The roof leaks in the room that you share with 19 others and every time you hear the rain outside you know that everything you own is now wet and your bed is too. You begin to dread the sound of rain hitting the roof.
Now, those of you about to close your eyes and imagine this, all of this has happened in the pitch black. You can’t switch the lights on to help you. You can’t switch on a torch to find a better way or move to a dryer patch. You are in the darkness and that darkness will never end. The only plus that you can imagine is not having to actually see how bad your surroundings are. You’d know they were bad, sure, but you’d never see just how bad.
Open your eyes. Nothing that you see in front of you can be as bad as is in front of these children every day of their existence here.
Now, hours later, writing this blog, we’ve come up with the beginning of a list that we hope to plough through in the coming weeks. Some things, like the leaking roof, are simply too large for us to take on and although we would love to make it happen, we simply do not have the funds to try. Perhaps we can look to fill some holes as a temporary fix, but the blocks are old and they need replacing entirely.
So with your help (you can donate here), we aim to:
1) Replace ALL of the mattresses. Yes, all 150 of them. This can ONLY happen with your help. Going on the price that we got last year for each mattress for the orphanage, we are looking at around $30 each. This means $4500 in mattresses alone. Can it be done? Well the simple answer at this moment is no, not really, but I’m hoping for those reading this to dig deep and help. Lets please see if we can make it happen. Can you donate to help us with this? Every penny counts and we have a lot of children to help…
2) Repair each and every bed. We have already arranged for a welder to come with us one day next week (after we have made a full list of beds that need fixing and the amount of steel and welding rods that will require) and spend an entire day making the bed bases usable again. This shouldn’t cost more than $150, for all materials, time and transport. Can you donate towards this amount or is someone reading this feeling extra generous today and thinks that they would like to personally take care of this amount to help the children?
3) Fix the toilets, the showers and the water leaks so that they can use the bathrooms with some dignity. Now, cosmetically I don’t see how we can begin to make them look nice with the money available to us, but we can damn sure try to make the toilets at least flush and sinks turn on with taps that work! We are meeting a team of plumbers tomorrow to price up this work. It could be prohibitively expensive, but we can only try and will do the most we can for the money we have. Can you donate to help us with this? Every penny counts and we have a lot of children to help…
4) Arrange for some sort of indoor gas cooking facilities, with sinks with running water. We’ll also do our best to fix the cold room… But perhaps even that is a money pit and the money would be better spent elsewhere. Maybe you fancy yourself as a bit of a chef and therefore can’t imagine cooking for 150 children in a cauldron, outside and over an open fire every day and would like to donate to help us with this specifically?
Its a short list, but its a big one all the same…
I was about to say that I don’t want to beg, but then I felt the need to correct myself and say f*#k it… I’m begging for your help. We can’t do this alone and although we have donation money with us already, it WILL NOT be enough to do what we need to do here and at the orphanage at the same time. We desperately need your help and every penny donated will go towards helping those less fortunate than yourselves.
With that I leave you humbled and hoping that this blog has reached an audience enough to make a difference. Please, even if you can’t donate today please share, please tag others, please like it on facebook, please do anything you can do spread the word. We need your help, more than we’ve ever needed it before.
Thank you for reading, thank you for following and I hope that you keep reading after this too. We will write all about what we are able to do with your donations and we hope you think that what we are doing is worth it. Dignity is priceless, we hope you agree and these children deserve that at the very least.
We woke up bright and early with a list of things we needed to do today. First up was to organise transport so that we could move freely during our time here. Now, many who read last years blog (and yesterdays in fact) will remember the shocking situation that Zimbabwe found itself with roadblocks stopping innocent motorists and demanding money for the tiniest of infractions (if indeed any had occurred at all!). Anything that was remotely on the edge when it came to roadworthiness would result in fines, just for driving around. So, it was a welcome bit of news that these roadblocks no longer existed. Since the change in President late last year, they were removed over night. This meant that we now had access to a new supercar. Picture is included below.
So now we were equiped with an absolute beast of a new car, it was time to head out and to see the children for the first time since March. A lot had changed for them since then. Obviously we’d been able to change their day to day living conditions in their previous house and bring a bit of joy into their lives with everything that your donations were able to pay for last time around, but behind the scenes much more had happened and they were finally in a new home! Its not finished yet, and there is very little in the way of funds left to complete it, but it is a home. A forever home.
We’d love to be able to take the credit for some of this, but in truth Andy (who walked with us in our Ibiza north to south sponsored walk) has been toiling away for years raising money in and around his home town of Stevenage (twinned with Kadoma) and via his architecture firm there and this newly built home is down to him. We are proud to be a part of it and lend our hand. We are proud that the furniture we bought, the beds we built, the cooking facilities we installed into the last house all made a straight transfer over to the new home. This is all with your donations, and if you want to continue to help us help them, please follow this link.
For those that remember what the old house looked like, you will all agree that this new one is a vast improvement. This is where the children will grow up and become adults. This will be their home until they go on to their own lives with their own families and thinking back to that first visit to see them last year we never could imagine that they would be in a place like this.
All said, they still need some vital elements to turn this house into a home, most obviously; electricity. We’ll aim to get this connected and fully functioning by the time we leave. The fridge/freezer we bought them last year sits useless until we can connect the house. The children do their homework by candle light and their days mainly have to revolve around the rise and setting of the sun. Can you donate to help us get the electricity connected?
One thing that really hit home to us this time around was the lack of hot water. They have a nice new bathroom, but can’t really take advantage of it while having to live with cold water. We will look into installing a solar powered water geyser to give them a constant, and free, supply of hot water so that they can shower, bathe and wash as we would all take for granted. Can you donate to help us get hot water installed?
Another improvement we’ll try to implement is to install a kitchen sink. There is a tap, but that simply pours into a bucket and is distributed from there. Can you imagine your kitchen without its sink? Nor can we. Can you donate to help us get a kitchen sink installed?
After all the work in assessing what lay in store for us for the next month, it was time to play with the kids and bring them a present. Having brought 237 pairs of sunglasses with us, there were still quite a few spare to go around and the kids loved them! We’d been donated a few that would be perfect for the youngest children, along with the rest that were best of adults. We brought two options, a bright orange pair and a black mirrored pair. To my surprise, it was the black pair that proved almost universally popular! If you donated glasses at all, these are the smiling faces that you have helped create. Thank you!
Nicole also had a great day back with the children:
“Everyone would ask me how I was feeling about going back to Tariro and my response was always ‘I will go in the same way I did last time and not even think about how the kids will react to us, whether they are surprised or even remotely excited’. I didn’t want to get my hopes up.
I was wrong. We pulled up and Hilda tried to open the gate for us to drive though and into the new grounds. I felt hot and nervous and almost felt like I wanted to just get out the car. I couldn’t wait and just wanted to hold them all and see how much they had grown in the 11 months. The smiles on their faces was amazing. MacDaniel came running over with his usual cheeky grin from ear to ear with Thomas not far behind. Then suddenly all of them were there and they all gave me hugs and I felt very at ease.
It was so nice playing with them and letting them take pics of themselves with my phone again.
We gave them some donated sunglasses (thanks everyone!) and that went down a treat. Even Macanaca was strutting around like a 1 year old supermodel in her new eyewear. How very different to the little malnutritioned baby we remember seeing sitting on the floor unable to move.
We were able to have a walk around the new house and its certainly a step up with grounds where they are able to eventually grow their own fruit, veg and even have herb garden. Seeing the change that has happened in their lives over the past year has be such a rewarding experience and I’m so proud that we were able to be a part of it.”
All in all, it was a very rewarding afternoon. We have our new list of things to do and we’ll be starting with the list as soon as we can. Thank you for following the blog, check back tomorrow as we’ll be visiting the Jaros Jiri School for the Blind. We expect to see a lot of work needed and that’s where your donations will come in and help. If you haven’t yet, click on the link and see if you can spare something, anything at all. 🙂
It almost feels surreal to think that under 2 months ago, we’d never even set foot in Africa, let alone could have imagined how much we’d feel so at home there. It also feels surreal to imagine how much we have come to care about people who were strangers to us those same 2 months ago. Quite how we’ve got here, and how we have travelled on this journey is an absolute privilege; and I know I speak for both of us in that. To feel the warmth and friendship from a group of children who had been given so little, but have so much to give was a tearful, emotional rollercoaster of an experience and one I wouldn’t swap for the world. Making the friends we have along the way is also an absolute privilege.
So, how was our final day in Zimbabwe? Hectic.
We imagined that we might have a few moments in the mid afternoon where we’d be able to chill for a moment, but that proved impossible. We thought we’d be able to get a semi-decent nights sleep before our 40hour journey via 6 flights and 4 different countries, but that, too, proved allusive. But what we did manage to do was to pack our final day with so many memorable moments that I don’t think this blog will ever be able to do it all justice. I know what you are probably thinking: “Yeah yeah, it can’t have been like that really” but it was and its hard to put it all into words even though I’m going to try.
Our final day began relatively late at 9am, and we headed straight into town to pick up a few last minute items for the orphanage and to drop the books off with Great Hood Academy. We’d had them since last week but we fell victim of Zimbabwe’s schools having half days on Fridays and we missed our chance that day so had to wait until after the weekend.
“You don’t know how much you have affected the children’s lives, this is amazing”.
Handing over a massive box of books to the headmaster, Mr. Gift Bere, felt like being Santa Claus for the day. He and the teachers knew that this day was coming, just like children do in the days leading up to Christmas, but nothing quite prepares you for how well received a present can be, even if you know for a fact that they want what you have got them.
Wide beaming smiles, hand shakes and even hugs accompanied the introduction of each and every book from its packaging. I never knew that anyone could be so happy to see books like this, but those that have been reading our reports since day one will know just how desperate they have been for them. We could, and definitely should, have gotten the books much earlier in our journey but the sheer scale of the work facing us at the orphanage took over our thoughts since the day we walked in the front door. I wish we’d not left it until the last day, but its just how it happened unfortunately and we feel a little guilty for that.
Every time a new teacher came in to check out the new books, they all had the same emotional look of joy on their faces. This truly is a school where the teachers care and want only the best for the children enrolled with them, and seeing their reactions was confirmation that we’d done a great thing. We’ve only been able to do this with YOUR help though. This donation of books was exactly what we thought we were coming here to do in the first place so it felt amazing to finally help affect children’s lives in such an easy and obvious way, but a way that equates to many months worth of a teachers salary in books. This is what your donations have done and if you have donated, you should feel proud. If you haven’t yet, then its never too late as we are committed to returning as soon as we can, and we are also committed to buying some new sports equipment for them (remotely after leaving) in the coming weeks too. So your donations WILL still have an effect.
After saying our tearful goodbyes to the teachers and hearing so many kind words from them about what we have done, it was time to say goodbye to the children too. This is where the first of the truly eye-opening moments of our final day happened and one I’ll try my best to convey here.
“Do you want to say goodbye to the children?” Mr Bere asked.
“Of course” replied Nicole.
Secretly though, I was looking at the clock and wondering if we had time. I was also worried and wondering if they would actually really care that much to want to say goodbye or if we’d done the important farewell’s with the teachers and the children might have just been oblivious to us leaving. I am so so happy to say that I was massively wrong. I was wasn’t expecting what happened, and not just with one class or a certain few children, but with them ALL.
When you receive a hug, its really a quite intimate thing, isn’t it? Well, if its done right it is meant to be anyway. Of course, you can also do the emotionless, looking away as you do it and making it as quick as possible type of hug too, but we’re not talking about those kinds of hugs. These children are too young to know that kind. So when they hug you, it really means something. But when the ALL hug you, all at the same time the feeling is absolutely amazing and one that I knew I’d have difficulty in describing when it came to it here today. They know why we were at their school. They also know that we are doing it by way of no charity, nor church group, just two people wanting to help make the world a better place in whatever small way we can. Reacting to that when you are child doesn’t need words when 100’s of hugs are more than capable of doing all the talking you need.
“Can I give you a hug?” said the first child.
I thought it was just a particularly keen, maybe slightly odd student who liked to give hugs. Honestly, I was like “ok, sure” and didn’t think much of it, but then everyone got up. Many then piled into a group hug, others waited until it was over and then came for an individual hug, some even came back for 2nd and 3rd attempts. I really wasn’t ready for how that’d make me feel. I felt so proud that our small efforts and a bit of our time created such a feeling of warmth and affection in them. It just goes to show that all children want in their lives is your time and best efforts and they reward you with unconditional love. I’ve never before felt how I felt at that moment, and it was a feeling that was repeated as we went from class room to class room.
It was like there was a memo out and that they had all read it that morning or something, but of course this must be more of a local custom than anything else. Saying goodbye and thank you with honest affection .
They all wanted to hug us and to wish us well on our journey home and to tell us that they couldn’t wait for us to return. Nicole spent a whole extra day at the school with the kids whilst I was in Harare shopping for building materials, so I was expecting to see her get even more attention than I was getting, and I wasn’t wrong. My own group hug had only just petered out when I was able to get to my camera and take a photo of her here:
Pictures, as the say, speak a thousand words and you can see in their faces (and Nicole’s) how much happiness and emotion was in the room at that very moment.
With that, we left Great Hood Academy for the final time and to collect a few things in town ready for our proposed meal with the orphans at Tariro Orphanage that evening. We’ll be back, of course, and we’ll stay in touch with all the teachers in the coming months too. We can’t wait to hear how they are all getting on with the new text books and will keep on blogging as and when we get more information. I’d love to see exam results up on last year after our small input.
Making our way to the local take away to collect 60 pieces of chicken, 2 portions of fries and 12 litre of soft drink we were a mix of anticipation and trepidation. We so wanted our last day with the children to be special, but also didn’t want it to be a sad day for them with us leaving. We didn’t want them to feel abandoned by us, or that we were just another group of people that were leaving them. That’s been the biggest fear for us this whole time. How do we get involved, without them becoming dependent on us? I don’t mean dependent like they don’t have milk unless we deliver it to them, but dependent emotionally. We were acutely aware that every single one of these children had felt extreme loss of one kind or another and we desperately didn’t want to add to that.
Despite our best efforts though, we couldn’t help but fall in love with them all and have spent more time with them than with anyone else. These last 2 weeks or so, though, we’ve consciously decided to ration out our time with them to cut down any potential of it feeling that we suddenly just don’t show up anymore.
Anyways, we decided we’d try to recreate market & restaurant our day out with them a little bit and brought them fried chicken. It went down such a storm last time that we were sure that it would be a sure fire hit again. It wasn’t.
We’d asked for the house mother to not cook for them that night as we had a surprise, but dirty pots in the kitchen and full bellies told a different story. She was adament that they hadn’t eaten yet, but the faces of children don’t lie… and they seemed to be saying: “we’re stuffed from dinner and can’t possibly eat another thing but we’ll try”… What a disaster! Still, we saw the funny side after the first initial few minutes. Same thing happened with the tray of cakes we’d brought them… A look of delight, followed by one of: “Where am I going to fit all that into by belly now!?”
So, dinner wasn’t what we’d hoped it would be and to top it off, the 3 youngest ones all had a chesty cough. Thomas in particular seemed to be on the receiving end of some serious flu like symptoms. We brought medicine for them all, but it still meant that he wasn’t in the mood to play. He simply sat on my lap in silence as I stroked his head and hugged him. He stayed like that for most of the evening. I tried to make him laugh, but he remained virtually expressionless. Its such a shame that this had to be our last day together after all the fun we’ve had these last few weeks. He loved to sit on my shoulders, or play tickle chase round the house and garden for hours, but today he just sat there looking sorry for himself as he coughed and coughed. Poor little fella.
In the end, he fell asleep on me and we had to put him to bed early.
I wasn’t able to actually say goodbye to him properly. I waved and he waved as he was carried to the bedroom, but it didn’t feel like a real goodbye. I wanted a hug or something, but it wasn’t to be. Maybe it’s better this way. It doesn’t feel like it was right at that moment, but maybe its better for him to not fully understand that I’m going away and won’t be back for a long time. I’ve become so used to him coming running to me to be picked up into my arms every day as we arrive, that I hope that he doesn’t miss me too much when I’m gone. I hope that he’s not quite old enough to fully understand what is happening and that one day will blur into the next until I’m back again.
I will miss him though. I’ll miss his laugh and his smile and I wish I could take him with us. I never knew I could feel this way about anyone. I suppose it’s the feeling I’ll have when Nicole and I have our own children. Its an addictive feeling, though, that’s for sure, and one I feel privileged to have felt for all the children of Tariro, but particularly Thomas. Writing these feelings down here right now as I’m sat on the plane back to Madrid, its making me well up. I didn’t think that this would happen to me, even though Nicole worried that she’d feel like this after we left.
With Macdaniel & Thomas all in bed early to try and sleep off their sickness, we presented the house with our final gift. We hoped it would go down better than the food, but we couldn’t imagine exactly how well! It was like all their Christmas’ had come at once.
We reminded them, through Mrs. Magama who’d come to help us translate, that we’d been taking photos ever since first stepped foot in the orphanage. Quite what they thought about us doing this is another matter, but it wasn’t lost on them that we’d been taking photos for nearly 6 weeks now. They don’t really have a clue about the blog, so they didn’t really know what the photos we for. So they were absolutely delighted when we presented to them a picture frame with around 20 different photos of them all that we’d selected. Producing that picture frame was like setting off a bomb in the house. They crowded round the frame and couldn’t get enough of it as they laughed and pointed at themselves. I took a few photos of them as they looked, and as it was quite dark in the room at the time, I put the flash on and as it went off, they all looked in my direction and laughed at me taking yet more photos! I’d have to say that this was the best group reaction of any we’ve had since we arrived.
They told us that they now have a home that they can be proud of, sleep in beds that they can get a good nights sleep in and feel part of a family again, not just a collection of children nobody wants. All of this deserved to be commemorated and through the photos we could see that they were all now happy, perhaps for the first times in their lives and its all down to the donations we’ve received and put into action. In that moment, they could see all the happy moments they’d had and that we’d captured, and live them again. It will also give us the chance to not be forgotten. We are in some of the photos too, so hopefully this will help the younger children to remember something of us so that we are not strangers when we come back.
We also brought them some new shelves for each and every one of the children. A space to call their own and stack their own clothes, books, toys etc… They are moveable and will follow them to their next home (more to be revealed about that at a later date). The girls also particularly liked it that I was able to bring them a mirror for their bedroom for the first time too. They’d never had a mirror before and now they have one in their room so they can look their best each and every day.
Finally, it came time to say goodbye to the children. We wanted to leave on a high, so chose only a few minutes after the picture frame was revealed to make our exit. They decided to sing us not one, but two songs. One in broken English, and one in Shona. I had a smile from ear to ear, firstly entertained by them, then touched by the whole situation. That smile soon became very difficult to maintain as I realised that this would be the last time we’d see them for a while and realising the love that was behind those songs for us. I looked at Nicole and she looked at me and we exchanged a moment that didn’t require words to explain how we felt. They have said that we’ve come in and changed their lives, that we have given them a life, but in actual fact it’s a two way street. They have changed us and how we see the world. They have changed us and how we see ourselves. They have made us want to become better people and whether they realise it or not, we have only them to thank for it.
Zimbabwe has changed us forever and we’ll never be the same again. We can’t wait to come back and see everyone again. Our friends, the children, the teachers, everyone. All have played an amazing part in our journey and going back to work next week isn’t at all what I’m looking forward to be doing, but that’s life. The summer is on its way and the work that allows us to have half the year off so we can do these kinds of things is about to start again for another season. Zimbabwe will be on our minds, though, and we’ll be back.
Finally, thanks to you for reading, thank you for following, thank you for donating and thank you for your support these 2 months through thick and thin. This isn’t the last post, but it’s the last one written while still away. So watch this space. Until then, please if you would like to donate, here is where you click to do it. ALL money given goes to these children, NOTHING goes to middlemen or management. If you’d like to help, its only click away.
“While Nathan was getting the last bits for our orphanage wish list to be completed I sat with Hildar, the house mother, and chatted for a while. She said the kids pray for us every day and they will really miss us. I tried to explain how much each and every one of them has changed the way we look at things and how we are, so I think in all fareness we got a lot out of these 7 weeks too.
For me, it was looking outside my bubble. The amount these kids had gone through and the fact they still have love to give is amazing. I also explained that they were our first priority and we will continue to stay in touch. I told her that Monday was to be our last day and the sadness on her face made me see how much we are going to be missed.
I felt like MacDaniel could sense something was happening and he wouldn’t leave my side. Every time I got up he would follow me. He finally fell asleep on me he was taken to bed. Thomas wasn’t himself either. He was ill, coughing a lot and also fell asleep on Nathan. It was a sad way to have to say our final goodbyes.
Mrs Magama came with us and she hugged me to say goodbye and I could feel her getting emotional. With that, tears came streaming down my face as well. I didn’t want to cry in front of the children; I didn’t think it was fair, but then they each have me a hug and I kissed each and every one of them and told them I wouldn’t forget them. One of the older girls hung on to me and was crying into my shoulder. I said to her be good and I promised that we’d be back.
I think when first arriving I thought we would get to know these kids and care for them but it’s so much more than that now for me. I love each one of them with their crazy fun happy selves. I went through all my pictures and videos I had taken of them all and we sat for hours going through them. They were all talking and laughing and joking around about them. Of course, I have no idea what they were saying, but all the same it was nice to have a great day with them all and when we presented them with the picture frame they could see some of those same pics and they loved it. They sang us a song and it was overwhelming. They gave us a little gift from them all, but to be honest the gift was us getting to know them . It was time to say goodbye, or as I like to say “See you later”. Goodbye seems so official, and with that MacDaniel came out of his bed room and wanted me to pick him up one last time. That was the hardest thing I have had to do. It was almost like the very first day all over again.
What an amazing experience it has truly been and its something that will stay with us forever.
If you want to donate for the the children’ on going care, please click here to donate.”
We’ve had a hectic few days trying our hardest to get everything done that we’d planned. It seems like its all been left last minute, but I suppose thats how it always is. I guess if we had another week, we’d only find more things to do after all this lot and then that would be rushed too…
Our last post said that we’d be putting up the curtains and then posting pics of them after that, but we are still putting them up even today. A few were accidentally stitched the wrong way round so needed to be picked apart and done all over again. Thats being done as we speak. That said, the majority of them are up now and the house loves them. The rooms are now dark when they want it to be, they stop the outside from seeing in and seeing all their new expensive items that we’ve bought them and the children are getting an even better nights sleep with the darkness too. All in all, we are really happy with the effect that they are having on the house 🙂
We’ve also been able to source them new sofas. Finally!! We had to get them from Chegutu in the neighbouring town, but 6 weeks after putting it on our list, its finally happened. In a country where nothing seems to be thrown away and there is so much use of old/reclaimed items, we honestly thought that there would be a dearth of 2nd hand shops and items for sale, but there really isn’t. We found that really odd, and thats why its taken so long but the smiles on their faces when they saw the new sofa was all worth it. We’ve been sitting on (by that I mean falling through) the old sofas for weeks now and can imagine what it will mean now to live in comfort for the first time!
John, as ever, helped with the sofas. Not sure what we’d have done these last few weeks without him.
We also brought them a carpet for the living room. A thick, comfortable carpet that made the kids want to lay down on it like it was a bed! We don’t usually have carpets in Spain, but certainly in England, these are commonplace. Seeing their reaction to such a thing though was priceless.
First comfortable beds, now comfortable sofas and even a carpet… basic desires really, but ones we all too often take for granted.
The carpenter working on the new classroom for Robin Hood has now finished his work. It took 2 1/2 days to put up the basic wooden frame and its roof and although it needs a floor putting in (something we’d overlooked on the original quote) it won’t be long until the first children will be in there with the new books that we donated to the school today.
Up until today, there were some subjects that simply could not be taught as there was no learning materials to work from. That is now no longer the case and classes will be fully equipped to make the most of the children’s time at school We are looking forward to the results.
The plumbers there have also gotten under way to fit the new water pump and pipes so that water will always flow to the school building and its toilet facilities. Its a lot more work than we anticipated, but it should be finished by Monday, ready for the start of the new week. Its been a pleasure to see this happen and to help in this way.
Liz Oglibie from Robin Hood Pre-School donated some new chairs for the smallest children at the Orphanage too. The under 5’s usually just sit on the floor, but now they have their own chairs and they love them. She also gave us some books to take to Great Hood Academy too. Its wonderful to see how everyone we’ve worked with and met are coming together to help each other through us. Perhaps it would have happened anyway, but certainly its not harmed having us here as a catalyst.
The new books for Great Hood arrived this week too along with some donation materials from CPS Publishing House. Maybe I was being cheeky by asking, but I pointed out that we were here doing charity work and would they be able to give us something for free if we spent enough. They put in some brand new reading books for the children and we can’t wait to show the children of Great Hood on Monday morning.
And with that, this ends just about my shortest ever blog post… I’ll just leave you with some pictures of the the children, with us of course, on their new sofa. The smiles say it all! I’ll also post the link to DONATE HERE for the ongoing care and provision for the children of the Tariro Orphanage. We’ll be back and we’ll continue our work with them for as long as we are able and as long as there are funds. Thank you for all your support and help so far.
P.S. Anyone reading this that would like to join us for a drink tonight at Campbell Theatre from 6pm for our farewell party are more than welcome. 🙂
It feels like an age since we last reported what has been happening here in Zimbabwe.
We have positive news and not so positive news to report.
We have been hard at work, but as anyone who has visited this amazing country will tell you, its also incredibly social too. When we first arrived we threw ourselves into work each day at 6am and got home sometime in the evening and then I’d invariably sit for 4 hours composing the blog that you are reading now. That, as you can imagine, would mean it was all work and very little play. Not that we are complaining of course, we came here to do something good and help people after all, not go out on the piss and sunbathe.
But since those early days, we have met some amazing, friendly and welcoming people. That means we’ve been invited round for dinners, for drinks, to play bowls, go to see wild lions and zebras and giraffes… So while we’ve been working each and every day, where possible, our reporting has taken a back seat and I’ve been feeling really guilty about it.
Every day I’ve been saying to everyone “I must do a blog today. People are going to think we’ve stopped or something…” Plus, we only have a few days left and these blogs are a great connection to the world and what we are up to and we wanted to keep that up. The response has been phenomenal to it all. Much, much bigger than I could have ever expected when I first said about it to Nicole at Jo’berg airport over a month ago. At first we were made up with having 50 readers in a day after the first week, but then when that passed into the 1000’s of daily readers we were stunned.
So, here I am trying my hardest to condense the past 6 or so days all into one blog post and I hope I do those days some justice although I’ll try to keep it as short as I can as we are super busy today…
Since the last post (where we delivered a new fridge-freezer and some furniture to the orphanage) we have been back a number of times, but still tried to limit it where possible as we don’t want the children to become over dependent on us being there. When we leave, we don’t want to be yet another gapping hole in their lives where people come and go all the time and there is no consistency. Still, we do have things to do to carry on improve their living conditions before we leave and we do love spending time with the kids so its hard to stay away too much.
On Friday last week we went to take Makanaka a new play blanket. Normally she’d only been left to entertain herself on the carpet, bed, or even on the concrete floor. Our first few visits to the house showed us that there was very little in the way of entertainment for a baby of her age, and although on occasions she’d be picked up by which ever child was interested at that moment, she was invariably left alone most of the time. These moments were also important to note that she showed very little response to calling her name, or any other way of trying to get her attention. Moving on just a month from then, she is bright, bubbly and always smiling. The change in her diet (milk and formula has now replaced a lot of the adult food she’d been eating) has taken effect, so has being able to sleep in her own cot and the change in mood around the house. She is now played with even more than ever and for those moments that she is not, we got her this:
She loves it. I wondered if she’d just lie there and do nothing different; as if the rattles and play things were not even there. The very first moment that I lay her down, though, her hands went straight for the toys and she has loved every minute of it since!
Our good neighbour Kylie (and her two enthusiastic children) also came along and brought a massive box of clothes for the smallest children. All were high quality, preloved items and fit the youngest 5-6 children perfectly. It was like Christmas had come early. We managed to get some great shots of the kids trying on their new clothes. Thomas, in particular, seems to have his pose down to a T.
I was also able to use this time to finish changing the locks on the back door to the house. It had previously only been able to be locked from the inside, and that meant leaving the house open to anyone to come in if everyone was out. I’d never considered theft or burglary to be something that could happen to an orphanage, but I suddenly realised that with doors unlocked most of the time, and no security lights outside, this house could become an easy target for those that do not care who they are stealing from. After all, no other house in the area probably even has a gas oven like theirs, nor a brand new fridge-freezer. The fear dawned on me that we’d made the house a target and I hoped that that fear is never realised into reality.
Thats why it came as a HUGE shock to find out that the house had been subject to theft. But not from outside forces, but from within. In a previous blog, I described how a new boy had been brought to the house. His name was Tanaka and he was 14 years old. This is more or less all we knew of him other than he claimed to have been recently orphaned when is father and grandmother had passed away after his mother had abandoned him as a child. He was, of course, taken in and given a bed, food and care.
This is what we are trying to do here, after all. To provide a home for children that would be dead on the streets otherwise.
The police had found him, and passed him on to Tariro Orphanage. He was going through the processes of finding out if he had family who could care for him directly. We were also looking to see if, how and when to get him into a local school so that he could receive an education (our original goal here). It was during these checks that it was discovered that he was in fact 18 years old. The rest of his story may or may not be true, but certainly he was lying about his age and therefore his eligibility to be given a home in an orphanage for children. Provisions were being made to relocate him and help him in other ways, but in the middle of the night one day last week, he took it upon himself to steal many of the items of clothing we’d bought the other children at the market, some money that had been given to one of the boys for his birthday and some food. He has never been seen since.
He helped me painting on the very first day and I felt his english was good at times, but seemed to be poor when I asked serious questions. I now know why. Nicole also felt that there was something off about him from early on. I just thought he was very confident for a 14 year old child, and with an extra 4 years under his belt its easy to see why he was as he was. We did speak about taking him out, as we had with all the other children, and buying him some new clothes and school uniforms but decided to wait until it was decided one way or the other if he was staying permanently or not. We’re happy that we took that decision now as his deception, while understandable for a desperate homeless person, took advantage of us all, including the children who thought he was their friend.
Now, obviously this is a massive set back both in house moral terms, but also in terms of trust. We remain unaffected by it and our commitment to what we are doing for the orphanage is unwavering, but we do worry that the other children are going to find it hard to trust new people again after this. It took them time to open up to us and we don’t want that process to be permanently closed to other people. They have so much love to give and we’d hate for them to believe that other people cannot be trusted.
We are now in two minds. Do we replace the clothes that were stolen or let them put it down to a (cruel) life lesson? Do we replace the money stolen, or will it be a way to teach them how to keep things safe from thieves… We are really unsure as to the best way to go about it all and comments and thoughts would be appreciated.
If, however, you’d like to personally buy one of the children clothes to replace what was stolen, it will cost €20 per child and you can do that here. I believe 3 children were affected. You’ll be kept in direct contact with us as we go with them and can see what your money has bought them.
All that negative feeling, however, wasn’t going to stop us doing what we came here to do. So Nicole and I have been hard at work getting the curtains ready to be put up later today (hopefully) that will transform every room in the house into something clean and modern. Its only a simple thing really, but its enough to make you walk in each room and think “wow, what a difference”. We’ll only be putting those pics up tomorrow though as Nicole is just putting the finishing touches to them now and then we’ll be out all day fitting them and taking the children some more things for the house. Its taken 3 days of cutting and sewing though, so this has taken up a massive chunk of our time.
We’ve also been back to both Great Hood Academy and Robin Hood Pre-School to carry on our work there. We initially intended on coming to Zimbabwe to help out with schools, buying books, improving education facilities etc. This is what our first week consisted of and what we were focused on. It was only as we came to fully understand the poverty experienced by the children of Tariro, that our focus changed to helping the orphans as much as we could. I think you’ll agree that we’ve done a huge amount for the orphanage, so we took time to go back to the schools and see how we could implement the changes that we’d spoken about at the very start of our trip.
Headmaster Gift Bere looks through the books we’d brought him and the list to order more so that the school could function perfectly.
It was at this moment that we pulled the trigger on buying a whole range of new school books for Great Hood. We’d be immensely impressed with the quality of the teaching there and we saw how much the teachers cared about their students. All that was lacking was enough text books to make everything as good as it could be. This week, we took the list of books that had been provided to us by Consultus Publishing Services, and let the teachers choose whatever books they needed to make their lives easier. Text books in English & Shona were chosen ranging from Early Child Development classes all the way up to grade 7. We were also delighted to leave them with some early samples that had been provided to us to start work with right away. Seeing the teachers smile from ear to ear at the thought of being able to provide a better lesson was inspiring and really hit home how much they cared about their classes and the quality of their teaching. Receipt of funds has been given and now books will arrive tomorrow ready for collection. We’ll report on that as soon as we have them in our possession. 🙂
Robin Hood Pre-School is run by Miss Liz Oglibie (or Miss O to those in the know). She’s a dedicated lady who’s entire life has been dedicated to other peoples children and that hasn’t changed even into her 70’s. We first came across here by way of a recommendation from a previous pupil and we were happy that we did. Her small school is run out of her own home (with classrooms added onto the side and into the garden) and was running the risk of running out of space for the children that she has. She also had the unenviable problem of intermittent running water and having to cope with a school full of children wanting to use the toilet and wash their hands. As I’m sure you can imagine, its not the easiest thing to keep children and the bathrooms they are using clean and hygienic without running water a lot of the time. We here in Eiffel Flats have water so infrequently that our lives revolve around buckets of rain water that can be gathered to wash and brush our teeth with. So the thought of running a school in the same conditions beggars belief.
So with these two pressing problems in mind, we’ve started the construction of a new classroom and purchased all the materials needed to install a new water pump. The new classroom will be a wooden lean-to construction next to an outhouse in the garden. It should provide a teaching space for a 15 children and a teacher. We were very impressed with the plans and the cost of the construction too. So much so that we’ve commissioned the same carpenter to build us some shelves for the orphanage. The plan is to make 5 shelving units for each bunk bed. So each unit will have 3 shelves on it, and each shelf then belongs to the corresponding bunk. Ideally, these will remain a pair forever and will follow the beds to their new home. Finally the children will have somewhere to store their things other than in a pile on the floor!
The carpenter says that the extra classroom will be finished by Friday and the shelves for Monday. Cutting it fine seeing as we leave on Tuesday, but that always seems to be the way with everything, no?
As always, if you feel that what we are doing here deserves to be helped, please donate by clicking here. Every penny will go to help those in need. No middle men, no managers wages, no scammers.
In other news, people have been asking how our injuries have healed. I still have a red eyeball that shows little sign of leaving, although its not as bad as at first, and still have two relatively noticeable black eyes, although they’ll be gone by the this time next week I think. Nicole, on the other hand, still isn’t able to fully walk and the cuts to her foot still look nasty and are painful. It may well be a while until she is back to normal. Thanks for all your concern and messages. We’ve also been attacked by sand fleas again… My god are they the worst!
We’ll be having a farewell party here in Kadoma on Saturday at the Campbell Theatre bar on Saturday evening, 4th March from 6pm. There will be food and plenty of drinks. Anyone and everyone who has read this blog this past month is encouraged to come and say hello (and goodbye) as well as all our now future lifelong friends we’ve met since being here. We’ll be sad to leave, but we’ll be back sooner rather than later (we are looking at December ’17). We still have work to do and will carry on what we’ve started here then.
We also hope to see as many of you as possible at our Welcome Home Party on Thursday the 9th March in Ibiza, so that we can tell you all in person about our trip and how much your donations and support has meant to us.